Notes Left Behind
by SqueakyNinja
Summary: He has made mistakes and has had many doubts for his past actions but a recent storm forces Iruka to bring back some painful memories.


**Rating:** NC-17  
**Summary:** A recent storm forces Iruka to bring back some painful memories.  
**Contains [warnings]:** Hurt/Angst  
**Word Count:** 4862  
**Author's Notes:** Was written for the KakaIru Fest LJ community. Thanks to animemetoo for providing the prompt! Since I saw this was not claimed and this was one of my choices for the fest, I asked if I could write this prompt as well and got it. And even a bigger thanks to sirona_gs for dealing with me betaing this story!

**Disclaimer:** _Although people have asked if I was, I am not Kishimoto, so I have no rights to these characters. If I did, Naruto would so be a more of a SasuNaru story then what it is now._

* * *

The thunder rumbled loudly, surprising Iruka, causing him to jump.

Today, Konoha was trapped under a giant thunderstorm. In fact, almost every day for the past week it had rained, accompanied by thunder and lightning. Many shops and restaurants were rained out, closed temporarily until the storms lightened up. Yet, the job for a shinobi never took a break; or at least, for most of them. Some classrooms and storage facilities at the academy had flooded and required clean up, calling for a school-free day. With his job as a teacher on hold Iruka had only his job at the mission room to take care of. But today he had a day off from there too, leaving him with a great deal of time on his hands.

First, he started to catch up on grading some of his students' tests. It didn't take him long and within a couple of hours, he finished and moved over to making new class plans to be used when the academy re-opened. However, that was done with ease, leaving Iruka to do whatever he pleased. He sighed as he stretched out his arms, taking a good, long look around his apartment. There was dust on some of his shelves, school papers all around, clothing pushed aside to corners, the sink filled to the brim with plates and glasses, and a few rusty kunai were left lying around. The place was a total mess. The brunet pouted for a moment, angry at himself for letting his place get this horrendous. Then it wasn't his fault he had to take care of little hellions everyday, and even worse− rude jounin at the mission room. Luckily, none of that mattered now. Tightening his ponytail and shuffling his sleeves up, Iruka inhaled deeply and breathed out as he started on the extensive job of cleaning his home.

He started in the kitchen, wiping down the counter and table, washing every glass and utensil in the sink and putting them away in the cupboards. He then proceeded to empty out the garbage, mostly filled with containers of easy−cook ramen. It was easier to make than cooking meals when he came home late, starving. Next was the living room. He got rid of everything hanging off of the couch and threw old and dirty clothes into the hamper. Already, the place had started to have a fresher aroma, heaps better than the thick odor of sweat and mud that existed before. He dusted the shelves filled with pictures of him and his students, and knickknacks they had created for their favorite sensei. Iruka couldn't help but grin as he recalled memories of each one. Although his students were at times a handful, they were all good at heart. He organized the kotatsu, sorted all of his papers, and moved them into his bag. With a mop in hand he progressed to the wooden floor, removing all muddy footprints, making it shine and glisten. He made a quick trip to the bathroom, disinfecting the toilet, sink, and tub, ridding them of all grime and dirt, and organized his medicine cabinet. Already, countless empty aspirin bottles had accumulated. Who said being a teacher was easy? By the time the job was done, the day was nearly over, the sun seeping down below the Earth. There was only one room left to clean: the bedroom.

Iruka saw nearly no point in sleeping in his room now. For the past few weeks, he had been passing out on the couch while grading homework, or flopping on it after having a rough day. He struggled as he tried to open the door, noticing a pile of foul-smelling clothes behind it. When he managed to get in, Iruka took a minute to evaluate at the mess. If he thought that the rest of his home was a rat's nest, it was nothing compared to this room. Barely any flooring could be seen while the bed sheets hung off the mattress with the blanket sprawled out on the floor. On a desk nearby, more papers were scattered. He wondered what he did with last week's homework assignments. And in a corner there were blood stained kunai and a standard vest. Problem was, they were not Iruka's.

They were _his_.

Iruka was able to find even more of _his_ clothes about. The man always came by Iruka's, after missions uninvited, not bothering to go back to his home to change out of his uniform or even take a shower. He would say he needed to see Iruka, to feel his warmth first before anything else. It made the brunet feel special somehow, almost wanted. He allowed the fellow shinobi to come and go as he pleased, eat his food and sleep on his bed. The teacher even offered to do his laundry. Yet, there was no point to doing it now. He hadn't been around recently. In fact, today would be the fifteenth day that guy was away, and the number only grew.

Iruka hastily pushed away any thought of him as he continued his work, diligent as ever, refusing to stop until the job was done to its full extent. He started by clearing away all the clothes, separating between his and the other man. It was easy to tell. The other's was riddled with tears and holes as well as reeking of sweat, not to mention being one size larger. Iruka wondered how dangerous and life-threatening his missions were, judging from their damage. He shoved them out the hallway with other things, waiting to be washed with a third load already running. When he returned, he was taken by surprise when he found a blood stain on the floor where the apparel previously laid. The chuunin stood silent as he narrowed his eyes, staring at the spot. Any trace left on the clothes was probably dried by now, perhaps the reason Iruka didn't realize it before. He knew he should have been used to it by now. This wasn't the first time it happened. The man would reassure him that everything was fine, but no matter how many times he was told, he continued to have this anxiety.

After dealing with the issue with a rinse of bleach, Iruka moved on, raising one arm to his forehead, wiping away sweat and brushing off soaked bangs. He had to have been working for countless hours now, nearly losing track of time, and already his apartment felt like a sauna. He sauntered over to a nearby window and pried it open, wanting to feel the refreshing breeze of fresh air.

As soon as he felt the cool air, a fierce wind carrying a few rain droplets rushed through, blowing away a few papers. Iruka groaned irritably as he moved back, putting them back in order. It was then he came across it.

He slowly separated it from the rest of the pile, gave it his attention, and had to scoff. He thought he had lost the damn thing. Truth be told, it was a little torn but still legible. He could even remember the first day he got one similar to it.

The man was not much with words. He rarely talked with anyone outside a few other jounin or his students. That's why it was such a shock for Iruka when he had started giving him these notes.

* * *

"Thank you for your hard work," Iruka proclaimed as he received another mission report. Everything had started out as a usual day for him. Jounin and chuunin came in, handing in their reports, only to go back outside the villages to perform more missions. He would always feel a lump in his throat, worried about all of them, knowing some won't come back. But that was life. It was the risk they took. It was the pledge they swore on to protect the mission at the cost of their lives.

"Thank you for your hard work," he repeated as he got another report from a jounin. He gave his attention back to the report and continued to sign it off when he noticed a small note attached to its back. The brunet quickly looked up, glanced at his left, glanced at his right, but the jounin was nowhere in sight. Away from prying eyes, he carefully opened it up and read inside, though he had to admit, it was hard enough to make out the writing.

'_Hello.'_

Nothing else was attached. Nothing else was written. All that was there was a single word on a little piece of paper. Iruka brushed it off, thinking it was just a typical jounin joke and continued on with his job.

A few days later, Iruka was back in the mission room and received another note with another report. Dumbfounded, again he looked up and the jounin wasn't around. And again, he opened up the note and looked it over:

_'I like you.'_

The chuunin quickly tried to conceal the slight blush creeping up on his cheeks. For someone to bluntly confess their feelings was just embarrassing. For that jounin to give him a note saying something like that was just unbelievable. It had to be a trick or something. It had to be. Why would he even think about liking him, a lowly chuunin, above all people?

Next week, he got one more note attached to some other mission report. This time, instead of taking the note in hand, he cocked his head up and made eye contact with the jounin. Without saying a word, he grabbed the tall man by the wrist and dragged him out into the hallway and into a corner, away from glancing eyes.

"Listen, I have no idea what you're up to but I want this to stop," the chuunin asserted, standing firmly. "Someone in your position shouldn't even be making childish joke like this."

"Why, I have no idea what you're talking about," the jounin replied.

"You know very well what," the brunet declared and shoved the report back at him. The jounin took the paper in hand and grabbed the note. He promptly scanned it over, only to reach back in his back pouch. Much to the chuunin's surprise, the other revealed another note, probably meaning to give to the brunet later on. Iruka glared, tiring of playing the man's childish game. There was work to be done and his time was better spent doing that. He moved over and started to walk away when he felt a hand wrap around his wrist, pulling him back.

"Could you at least read it? I worked really hard to make sure the writing was nice." Iruka noticed a puppy-dog look on the jounin's face, almost the same look his students gave him when they told the teacher they forgot their homework. It was something he knew all too well and something that was hard for him to ignore. He sighed as he reached out his hand and motioned with his fingers, asking for the note. The jounin's expression instantly changed to one more joyful and handed the note over to him and the tanned man opened slowly it and read what was inside.

_'Would you like to go out with me?_'

"I said I wanted this to st-" Iruka lashed out but could not a word more as dry lips attacked his own. He stood frozen, confused, and dazed. It would have been best to back away or to shove him off. He could have tried to scream or fight him off. Anything would do to get away from him. Yet, no matter how much his mind told him to stop or to just smack the other upside the head, he brought his hands up and dug his fingers in the man's vest.

"…Your lips are dry," Iruka whispered, his face only a breath away from the other's lips.

"Then will you wet them for me?" he asked seductively.

"…I'd prefer you use Chapstick." The other just laughed as he captured the sensei's lips again, grazing them with his tongue. Iruka hesitated at first but then blindly followed along as he opened his mouth and allowed the tongue to enter. He even went as far as wrapping his arms around the jounin's neck, deepening the kiss. He didn't care if anyone walked by and saw them. If this was a dream, he didn't wish for it to end. He was kissing a man that was known throughout Konoha as the most wanted bachelor by women and men alike. Naturally, Iruka fell into that category. And like them, he yearned for the chance to be with him, even if it was for one moment. Yet, it was always his fans wanting a piece of him, not like this, not the other way around.

It was an odd start, Iruka had to admit. All the man did was that he admitted that he liked him. Even the confession was a little off. Yet, he found himself making out with the tall jounin, in plain sight, no less! Yet, he enjoyed it. Even if he was just going to be some conquest, Iruka didn't mind. There was no point of having a relationship. Any intimacy found with shinobi was mostly for physical needs. Iruka had once aspired to have one, but with the way things were going with his life, already in his twenties, still putting work before his needs, he figured it was best just to dismiss any ideas from his mind. He would just take what he could get and be happy with that. Though he would have preferred to have been loved, being wanted, this was good enough for

"Please," Iruka begged one night some weeks later.

Their affair had been going on for over a month now, but it felt more like just a few days. The jounin had many missions to take on, keeping him away from the village. He was one of the best and was needed for the most difficult ones. Elsewhere, Iruka had his students to take care of. He could practically call them his own kids and treated them as such. Their needs came before his.

Anytime the lovers did have together was filled with lust, no talk and no love behind it. They would let instincts take over, allowing their hands to roam free, caress every inch of skin, dig their nails into each other's hair, anything. But their desire for each other grew exponentially the more time they spent apart. That night, that lust boiled over, driving the jounin to enter Iruka's apartment without notice and instantly pounce. Iruka noticed he had just arrived back from a mission, mind still raw with rage, clothes ragged, and stained with blood. Luckily, none of the blood was his, just that of his enemies now lying on the cold ground, embracing the moonlight upon their stiff bodies.

He felt the pale man's dry lips attack his own with such force, nearly biting through his skin. Iruka gasped as icy fingertips lightly grazed his stomach, making their way down. The chuunin took a hold of the man's head, halting his actions, and fixed his eyes on his, taking notice of the exhausted look in his dark eyes. Yet, he was here with him and not resting at home. He might as well make the most of it. Iruka lifted his head up and placed a chaste kiss on a pale cheek before taking a hold of the man's hand and led him back to his bedroom, leading to them tearing off every particle of clothing there was on their bodies.

Both crashed on the bed and already, the jounin resumed his attack on Iruka to the point of biting his neck hard enough to draw blood. He yelped in pain, but groaned when he felt a tongue licking and soothing the wound. The man whispered in the brunet's ear, briefly apologizing, before moving along. Iruka made mental notes, making sure he remember each moment, each kiss he felt on his neck, his chest, and further. He squirmed and tensed up as he felt the man engulf his member, already hard. The brunet could tell the man was very talented in this field, feeling how his tongue would work its way around, lapping up any pre cum around his shaft. The pleasure was so great, Iruka didn't realize it when a chilly finger entered him, followed by another, scissoring inside. The chuunin gripped at his sheets as his bliss grew. When a third finger was added to the mix, the younger man just draped his arms around the other's neck and held on tight.

"Please," Iruka begged, his cheeks flaring. The jounin glanced at him, looking straight into his chocolate eyes and smiled, unable to deny the desperate plea. He kissed the flaming cheeks before removing his fingers and readied himself at the chuunin's entrance, looking back, asking if it was still ok one last time. The brunet growled a little as he nodded, unable to wait any longer. But all thoughts vanished as he felt the hard shaft slowly enter him. Iruka tried his best to suppress his cries, but the man saw it and grimaced, starting to regret putting him through this, fearing he was hurting him. He carefully moved, withdrawing himself before Iruka stopped him, grasping his shoulders steady. He looked back at his lover, his watery eyes filled with need, still pleading with him to press on. Iruka placed a chaste kiss upon the man's lips before he whispered for him to go on, no matter what he said or how he looked.

The man did as he was told and shifted back in. Iruka did struggle a little, but soon, any pain that he felt was replaced with the anticipated ecstasy. The pale man gave his lover a few minutes to get adjusted to the intrusion before the chuunin scolded him, telling him not to stop and to go ahead and move. He chuckled a little in his throat as he complied. The thrusts started out slow and steady, allowing the pleasure to grow. Iruka cried each time he felt the penetration go deeper and deeper until it finally hit his prostate. As soon as he felt it, he yelled in bliss. Something in the other man triggered as he removed himself completely. Iruka whimpered a little, attempting to question why the man stopped, only to be ordered to get on his hands and knees.

Iruka complied as he shifted and presented himself heavily panting, back arched, waiting for more. He felt the man's dark eyes lock on him, drinking in the sight, before he felt cool fingers grip his hips and gasped as he was filled up once more. This time, the man drove in harder and harder with each thrust. He even reached around and grabbed the brunet's ignored member, and started to pump it in time with his movements. Iruka continued to yell, calling out the man's name over and over again like a chant. Never before in his is life had he experienced such pleasure; it was driving him insane.

"I-I-" the brunet gasped before he felt his stomach tighten, hooked his fingers into the bed sheets, and cried as he came into the man's hand. The other didn't take much longer as he finished off, filling his lover with his warm seed. Both collapsed on the bed, tired and hearts racing. Iruka felt small pecks along his back and shoulders and noticed strong arms wrap around his thin waist, pulling him close. Yet, he paid no attention to it. He came down from his high and instead, he stayed limp, closed his eyes, and drifted to sleep.

When Iruka woke a few rays of light peeked through the window blinds, probably already an hour or two after the sun rose. He fluttered his eyes open and shifted slightly. He sensed a heavy weight from the other side of the bed and turned. He saw the man already putting on his dark blue pants. Little water drops adorned his almost pearl-like skin and the faint scent of shampoo and soap filled the air. The brunet didn't bother to speak as he had expected this to happen. Truth be told though, it was better than waking up alone, next to soiled sheets. He instead focused his eyes intently on the sight, burning it in his memory, again hoping to remember this moment for as long as he could. This could be the last time he would see such a striking sight.

"You up?" the man queried as he turned and faced his lover, aware of his aroused state. Iruka nodded and took a minute to speak up.

"So… is this it?" the teacher asked as he sat up in bed. Not one of his best ideas as his lower back stung a little.

"What do you mean?" the jounin continued as he placed his shirt back on.

"You got what you came for, right? What's the point of staying after you got what you wanted?"

"Do you want me to stay?" the man proposed. Iruka was too ashamed to look back at him, afraid if he did, he would just admit everything, how he truly felt. He has sworn to himself in the beginning of all of this that he wouldn't. It would just be a waste of his breath. This guy didn't feel the same as he did. All this was to become was just some fling, something that needed no strings attached to it. Yet, no matter how many times he told himself not to, he had grown to love this mysterious man.

Iruka refused to answer. The tall man went ahead and told Iruka that we was just kidding. He couldn't stay even if he wanted to; he was just assigned another mission and had to leave immediately. He apologized, but promised he would come back before Iruka knew it.

The chuunin didn't take it much to heart, believing it was just something to say to play around with him. There were no such things as promises in this lifestyle. Yet, true to his word, he came back, not just to the village, but back into his arms.

Their intimacy continued. The man entrusted Iruka with personal feelings and secrets he had never told anyone else before. The chuunin had been compelled to expose some of his deep, dark secrets in return. Iruka did feel that the man somewhat trusted him, maybe to a point that he felt wanted. Yet, deep down, he believed it all to be a lie. Eventually, his lover would find someone else to tease, someone else to fuck around with. It was only a matter of time. He even tried to sabotaged it himself, fearing he would be dumped. If it had to end, he wanted to be the one to do it on his own accord. He would start fights on purpose, nitpicking at any little thing, hoping the other would just give up and leave. The plan worked a little. He would leave, but after he blew off some steam, he continued to crawl back. Iruka, though, would assume he just went to a brothel and relieved his stress there. The two had practically done everything lovers do but say those three little words to one another. Iruka longed to hear them, but couldn't find the courage to say them himself, worried that if he did he would only look like a love-struck idiot. Even if he tried to end it, deep down, he was thankful that he had gained another day with him.

"Maybe I should move in," the jounin said one rainy day as he relaxed on the couch in the chuunin's apartment. Iruka told him he had work to do from his classes, but the man insisted on coming over, even if he became a part of the scenery. After a few months together, it was typical behavior from him and the teacher played along with it.

Iruka didn't bother to answer, as the man always talked nonsense. There were times he would ask if they could walk together or even eat out. It almost worked when the pale man mentioned ramen. But Iruka always put his foot down and refused, wishing to keep the affair a secret. Yet, this time was different. The jounin would not take the chuunin's persistent attitude anymore. This time, he pushed himself off the couch and took the man's papers out from under his hands.

"What do you think you're do-" Iruka stopped as his lover lifted his chin up and captured his lips, already slipping his hand under the chuunin's shirt. Normally, the brunet would allow it and would take sex whenever it came up. But not this time. This time, he resisted and pushed the jounin off of him with full force.

"Iruka, you ok?" Iruka took a few minutes to reply.

"I… can't take this anymore!" he hollered.

"W-What do you mean?"

"What else is there?" he shouted. "I don't want to be seen as some whore to you!"

"But Iru-"

"…This is the last time. I'll take you in back and we'll fuck until we pass out like we always do, but when I wake up, I don't want to see you lying next to me or anywhere else in here." The jounin stood silent for a moment, his face drained of life.

"Do you really want that?" his lover inquired. Iruka took a moment; his eyes averted, his mouth running dry. He knew this was coming. He knew he had to end it. Holding a bit of regret, he nodded.

If this was supposed to be the last time, then so be it. His lover took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom, taking his time, making love to the brunet.

Iruka woke up the next day, left with hickeys along his neck and a memorable pain in his lower back. Yet, what was the most notable thing was that he was alone in his bed, the first time in a long while. It was a routine he would now have to get used to. All because he had made it so.

He removed the covers, wandered over to the bathroom and took a long, hot shower; unbeknownst to him, a note was left behind on the end table.

* * *

Iruka rested his back against his bedroom wall and slid down to the ground, giving in to his need to think over everything.

He had to be kidding himself to ever think it would work between the two of them. It was foolish to even consider that. The two were complete opposites when it came down to it. Iruka was a hot head, always on top of things, always at least trying to keep order in his life. The other was very laid back, always late, and decided things in the spur of the moment. Not to mention the skill difference. True, Iruka was just a chuunin, spending his time teaching and handing out mission reports. Nothing really challenging. He did possess skills worthy of the admiration of a jounin, but that would mean being torn away from his love of teaching. He couldn't compromise with himself on that. Yet, those talents could never compare to the other's. Going on solo S-ranked missions, being highly recognized throughout the world by name alone; he was even a fomer ANBU. The man appeared more worthy to hold the name of Hokage rather than jounin.

The first moment when their eyes met, he thought it was nothing. When he received those notes, he assumed it was just a misunderstanding. Afterwards, they had their first kiss, making him think it was all a joke. But the affair grew. Both felt at ease with one another. When the jounin was away, Iruka would get constant headaches, doubting if the pale man would come back. He found himself frequently looking out of windows, waiting for him to come home. He even wondered if his lover thought of him too while he was away. If it was possible that he maybe thought over the same things, experienced the same emotions. When the time came that they were to share a bed, the chuunin allowed it, trying to savor the experience. When they argued, they refused to see or speak to each other for days. Iruka hated to have such a strong devotion for the jounin, believing they weren't reciprocated. In the end, it was doomed from the start. It was impossible to think that it would turn into something more, that it could turn into a relationship, one that would turn into love.

A sudden knock at the door immediately cleared his thoughts. His smile grew; he could just imagine who was behind the door.

"…Tadaima." Iruka leapt and wrapped his arms tight around his lover's neck, bringing them both into a warm but wet embrace.

"Okaeri, Kakashi."

Iruka allowed the old, late note to fall gracefully to the floor, the words exposed:

_'I love you.'_

_

* * *

_

**A/N:** _Since I enjoyed writing this story so much, there is a possibility I would redo it as a doujinshi, though any work related to that would be posted on my y!gallery account._

**Beta:** _sirona_gs_


End file.
